Captain Furtleberger was a human cannonball,
With the courage of a thousand men but the sense of none at all,
He’d been working at the circus, ten years without a pause,
He loved the job, the audience, the cheers and the applause

He was the perfect worker, in each and every way,
But still the circus fired him at least three times a day,
His two best friends, the circus clowns, would often have a bet,
On whether Furtleberger would miss the safety net

Long Tall Simon Slapstick thought the Captain took good care,
And never ever worried as his friend flew through the air,
But Little Jamie Joker thought the cannon shots were hurried,
That the Captain was too casual and frankly, he was worried

The circus had performing seals and Pippa, she was one,
She was fond of Furtleberger, he was such a lot of fun,
To see the Captain fired was worrying for Pippa,
She tried to watch but hid her eyes with a well-positioned flipper

The Captain worked out everything, his sums were never-ending,
He’d use a great big cardboard tube to stop his legs from bending,
To go head down or go head first? So many things to choose,
The blast would be a big one – he’d need some stronger shoes.

To stop him being fretful on his voyage to the unknown,
Pippa said she’d join him so he wouldn’t be alone.
He asked the boss, the ringmaster, if it was OK,
The man said “No”, so the pair of them were forced to sneak away

He thought he’d need some special kit - of course, he wasn’t wrong,
He had to find a cannon nearly half a mile long,
They positioned it in Regents Park, pointing at the stars,
With a lorry load of dynamite to send him off to Mars

As cool as any cucumber, with casual jokes and laughs,
He even did an interview and signed some autographs,
The time arrived and in he climbed, with blast-off drawing near,
Soon he would be flying beyond the atmosphere

They started off the countdown and retreated on the run,
And out shot Furtleberger like a bullet from a gun,
With no Big Top to hold him, he was shooting high and fast,
No safety net this time around – flying free at last!

His eyes began to water so he put his glasses on,
He felt just like the Rocket Man, the pop star Elton John,
The ground was down below him, he was feeling quite alone
He even lost the signal on his mobile telephone

Pippa had a look around, her face was rather glum,
No fish, no balls, no trumpets, she’d rather not have come,
The earth was getting smaller as they left it far behind,
The Captain became nervous and began to change his mind

His friends back down on planet Earth, watched as best they could,
His record bid, it seemed to them, was looking pretty good,
The Guinness Book of Records was where he longed to be,
He ordered all the entry forms and filled them out with glee

If only he’d returned the forms, alas that slipped his mind,
He’d left the paperwork at home – life can be unkind,
The light was quickly fading – was his mission silly?
He had to put his cape on – the air was getting chilly

The Milky Way was calling, he was feeling slightly queasy,
And it dawned on Furtleberger that breathing wasn’t easy,
“Oh goodness! That’s what I forgot, I’ve really dropped a clanger.”
His spacesuit, it was still at home, in the wardrobe on a hanger

Alas, there was no turning back, the Captain had no choice,
He yelled into his telephone until he lost his voice,
And now he had no signal, what could he try next?
With his fingers almost frozen, he couldn’t send a text

The cannonball just thundered on, into outer space,
And Furtleberger held his breath, went purple in the face,
The world was nearly out of sight, it was just a tiny dot,
The sun was just in front of him...things were getting hot

The sweat was pouring from his brow, he began to shake and cough,
Now his cape was far too warm, he’d better take it off,
The truth was slowly dawning...he really had to wonder,
“Will I ever get back home or have I made a blunder?”

Poor old Furtleberger, he'd never been that bright,
But think of him when next you look into the sky at night,
Could that be a shooting star up there for all to see?
Or is it Furtleberger in a distant galaxy?